Relationships can be complicated, but some people master the art of being “two” better than others. We asked researchers and couples therapy experts what satisfied couples do right and what dissatisfied couples do wrong.They met, fell in love, but eventually broke up. Or rather, many of them broke up, because of course there were some who were able to stay together. What was it like for one couple versus another?Some people did research on this.- Overall – and it’s kind of depressing – we can say that it’s hard to maintain a relationship. It’s hard to maintain intimacy and closeness over the long term. Both parts fall apart on their own. But if we know it’s hard, then we have a good starting point, because we also know that a well-functioning relationship requires a few things.
So what went wrong and when did the intimacy and closeness disappear?
– Young couples spend a lot of time having sex and talking, exploring each other, listening with interest, and maintaining intimacy.- But with that comes restrictions on normal life, daily routines, commitments, laundry, and picking up and dropping off the kids.
Grass moss in the relationship
According to the researcher,
Parcoaching Frederiksberg , there is nothing to suggest that there should be a particularly difficult or dangerous period in a couple’s relationship, such as the seven-year crisis that most people have heard about. On the other hand, children can prove to be a challenge. In any case, she says, studies show that marital satisfaction declines in the years before a child is born. And it’s a well-known fact that interest in the news tends to wane as time goes on.- It’s natural for interest in the news to wane. To say that it doesn’t wane is like saying that moss doesn’t grow on grass. It grows back. Think of it like how the first time your lover tells you a joke, you think it’s funny, but after 20 times of hearing the same joke, you start to get a little cold feet; it’s the same with sex and other shared activities; it’s natural to get repetitive as opposed to excited and surprised.The same is true of our dreams of problem-free relationships.- It’s also true for those who dream of problem-free relationships, because love is about accepting the other person for who they are. Unfortunately, as human beings, we can’t neutrally assess whether or not our relationships are working. Often, we simply conclude that when the relationship is working, we are to blame, and when it’s not working, the other person is to blame. When a problem arises, all we can do is try to change the other person or find someone else. And by trying to change the other person, we lose the increased sense of intimacy, closeness, and touch that is the real cause of the problem. Fortunately, intimacy and closeness can be restored, she explains.
